I was thinking on my way home today that I created this private blog last year as a portal for me to feel like we are speaking. My primary reason for revisiting was the fear of forgetting. I want to remember everything. Every memory, every laugh, the way you look and the talks we had. I want to tell my future husband and children every detail about you; i never want you to just be a story told over and over again either. I want you to be real to them, and as real as possible to me. I have been having terrible waves of missing you both each morning on my train to school and in the evening as soon as my head hits the pillow. It’s a terrible feeling of utter helplessness.
I thought one way to relieve myself of this would be to talk to you. Directly. In my mind anyhow, this is has ‘real and ‘direct’ as I can be. I would like to jog my brain for 1 memory of you in each post. I will start with a happy memory–do you remember the Vikings?
I giggle just writing it. It was summer, we were at a lake house around a camp fire. All of us kids were around, and Uncle Butch decided it was a good time to start telling stories. It began with ‘The Vikings are coming…included something about donuts and lots of rowing…and ended with us laughing until we were red in the face. The story lived on because each time Butch would call the house, he would never say hello but only ‘Do you remember the Vikings?’.
I miss you so very much and find it so unfair that you left us early. i know this is a selfish thought, but I only wish I could know that you are better where you are and not have to just think about it. I guess that’s what Faith is all about…i am still learning. Stay with me!
Mom and dad were here for my birthday, we drove north to the coast and it reminded me of our Maine trip…another story for another time. Morrison is doing well, he has a new window to sit in and the rumor on the street is that there is a GIRLFRIEND loitering on the back porch making inappropriate noises-scandal! Do you remember when I strategically left Kitty at home in Maumee while she was going through heat?
P.S. I will only refer to myself as Caity here because you are the ONLY person who ever could and will ever be able to call me by that name.